I wrote this back in June-it is now November. What a gift to reread it and to reflect since then.
This week has been for the books! Wow! I have been rocked to my core by the Universe and I could not be more grateful! I can safely say that the Universe has been trying to get me to heal my old fears off and on for quite some time. It finally worked!
The suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain shook me. I have had a fear of mental illness ever since I was a little girl when I saw a documentary on Patty Duke and her struggles with manic-depression. I had no clue that you could lose your mind back then and this past week that little girl's fear showed up Big time. With the help of a dear relative and therapist, I have been able to truly make a major breakthrough with my fearful little Angela. You see our fearful selves are not us...they like to pretend they are though. Awareness of our feelings and thoughts is the key to beginning the process of self-love during our crippling times of fear. Love and fear coexist and I hands down choose love. The days in fear are going to be few and far between and I can rest knowing that all I need is love (self-love) the next time.
My thoughts were all over the place this past week and gave me a run for my money. It wasn't easy to keep up but I remained focused and I would say right back to them as fast as they came in that it is ok and that I hear you and that I am here for you and just breathing into that. Eventually I was able to clam down. I reassured myself that I am growing and that all will be well. It wasn't easy and was down right uncomfortable but I wouldn't change walking right through it for the world. This has been the biggest healing experience of my life. I honestly understand the mind, body, connection way more clearly now and never dreamed I'd get here.
I have discovered so much about myself this past week and I could not be more proud to be me. I loved myself each step of the way simply through how I talked to myself. It really is that simple. You talk to yourself like an innocent child and sit with yourself as long as it takes. You ask this part of you what they need. You ask, can you trust me? You tell this part that you are so sorry for all that it has been through and endured and that you are on this journey so that we can heal. This along with support from my husband and family members and close friends got me through my time in the dark of fear.
I dove into self care also. I have found 3 new group fitness classes to go to and I have met absolutely beautiful people in doing that. Each class this week went straight to my heart helping me to release these old fears that no longer serve me. Song lists and meditations and devotions that were messages to me to keep going. Amazing! And so I did. I have been meditating every day. I have strengthened my connection with God and my angels and nature has not disappointed either by sending me dragonflies and cardinals throughout the week to remind me that I am on my path. Dragonflies symbolize transformation and cardinals are pretty much the symbol of direct communication with God so I was blown away and yet I wasn't at the same time.
That is the thing with growth. You are in this sea of chaos and beauty and you are uncomfortable and yet you must be open for miracles. They are there! I can finally say that when you ask the universe for signs, they deliver. When you say yes to yourself, life says yes back to you. This is why I am so passionate to help women out of their dark times with fear. It is old energy that is trying to be released and healed from your body. If you can ride through them and love yourself the whole time even if it feels really weird, don't stop. Loving yourself through the inner conversations that you have with your fearful selves along side support from professionals, close family and friends and a kick ass self care routine is critical to riding out these storms quickly.
Growth is that massive healthy change. Growth is the other side. Growth is self-love.
I hope this was helpful.